On Don't moan, get used to it

Not in Kansas anymore

I appreciated the points made by the writer. As a long-term expat, I have met more whining foreigners than I care to remember, some with complaints so petty I wondered why they left their beloved homes in the first place. I also came to realize that they probably complained just as much back home.

Yes, as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz famously remarked, we are not in Kansas any more. That's abundantly clear.

Yet neither should it be a netherworld whose denizens dodge shouting, spitting, battering along the walkways and running for their life as they cross the street. People drive with utter disregard for others through parking lots, out of side streets and when turning at red lights, while little effort is made to slow and check the intersection, or let pedestrians who have the green light cross the street free from harassment.

The entire range of annoying behavior can be summarized with one word: Selfishness. No matter a world of former scarcity, or a glorious culture stretching back thousands of years, the result is hundreds of millions of self-absorbed people elbowing their way through life. Their parents should have taught them better, but then I suppose that's where they learned to be so selfish at home.

It is time to truly put some meaning in all the slogans, take a little responsibility for your own actions, and be considerate of other people. That's not a cultural thing - its called humanity and humility. Beijing could use a huge dose of both.

Battered in Beijing

On Cute but whiny? It's sajiao

Balance and understanding the key

Interesting - I'm trying to think how this translates into cross-cultural gay relationships. Because I have experienced sajiao in this environment. Perhaps it is not a female Chinese thing. But you know what, there has to be balance and understanding on both sides for any cross-cultural relationship to work. It can't always come down to one person to have to compromise. That is the "true" recipe for disaster. Balance, understanding and communication are important; after all, it is a cross-cultural, not uni-cultural, relationship.

John

It is really about manipulation

Sajiao is just another way of doing the same thing Western women insist on but won't admit to doing and it boils down to manipulation. So be it, but I'd take a Chinese woman any day over a spoiled Western woman. At least they think of what they can do for their men, rather than the typical Western woman who believes the world revolves around her and her emotional needs.

Chris

Sajiao a matter of education and age

This sajiao thing really is just an age and education issue. I've been dating Chinese women here for about 10 years now and to be honest, it is only the 20-something girls that act like that. Rarely, do you see a woman over 30 behave this way. The higher educated the women are, the less likely you are to see it. It may be tradition but age and education trump tradition, especially in the big cities.

Jerry

In the end, it's a cultural norm

In some ways, it's true, but I wouldn't say that sajiao is just an age and education issue. The only thing that really seems to trump sajiao is education. However, my American friend I mentioned in the article is an older man who has dated quite a few older Chinese women and a lot of them still sajiao.

The amount of sajiao does depend on who you are dating and why you are dating them. Still, in the end, sajiao is a cultural norm for many Chinese women.

Joseph

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