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My daughter comes in late stinking of cigarettes and alcohol when she goes out with friends from her international school. She's only 15. Whenever I confront her she says all the other kids' parents let them go out. I'm from Beijing, but my husband is from Europe and is more relaxed about all this. I'm afraid she'll get in trouble or worse.
Children and alcohol make poor partners; that's why they have a minimum drinking age. Unfortunately, you only need to go to Sanlitun on any weekend to see middle school students wasted on cheap shooters. While Europeans may be more permissive about underage drinking, it doesn't mean the dangers are not there. Statistics show overwhelmingly that a majority of date rapes occur when the victim has been drinking. It's naive to think there aren't predators around or that children can spot them. Teenagers want little to do with their parents and, all too often, we give in to them just to curry favor. Your daughter doesn't need another sycophant. Lay down a curfew and prepare yourself for sulking, because if you won't take steps to protect your daughter, who will?
My ex-partner makes me pay her money to see our son. I'm American, she's Chinese. I already pay her a monthly allowance to cover his food and clothing, but she charges me 200 yuan every time I want to spend time with my own child, which is very often.
If there's no custody agreement or she won't abide by it you have little choice but to pay her. Assuming you're on speaking terms, you could discuss with her that instead you'll increase the monthly allowance or arrange to put that "visiting fee" into a bank account under your son's name. Be careful as any bitterness or anger on your part will be magnified a hundred times from her to your son. Think about the story of King Soloman, who ordered a baby be cut in half to please two women who claimed to be the rightful mother. His true mother gave up her claim so he could live.It's impossibly difficult, but the only way out is to take the high road. Do it for the sake of your family, especially your son.
Needrelationship advice from METRO's agony aunt? E-mail your questions to metrobeijing@chinadaily.com.cn. Please give as many details about yourself and the situation as possible. All information provided will be kept in the strictest confidence.
(China Daily 04/25/2011)
