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  Old mores in modern city
(PAN HAIXIA)
05/30/2003
Marrying a dainty Shanghai young woman might be the dream of many men. But the reality is often different.

"If you do not have a sound economic background, don't expect to marry a Shanghai girl," is still the rule today.

"Of course, not all Shanghai women are snobbish but practical-minded girls make up a large percentage of eligible Shanghai women - especially among the beauties living in the urban area," said Yu Jian, manager of Shanghai Good Luck Matchmaking Agency.

All the Shanghai girls who come to seek a spouse in his agencies have at the top of their requirements a line that runs: "The man should have a certain career base," meaning he should have a good job which ensures a good salary.

Or, if he doesn't have a good job at the moment, he should at least have the potential to advance in his career in the near future.

The traditional concept of Shanghai women marrying only Shanghai men has changed a lot in the past five years as more and more "elite" young men from other provinces achieve success in the city. Yet there is still a long way to go before local girls totally erase their misgivings about waidiren - men from outside the city limits.

Angela He, a 25-year-old local woman, claimed that if someone tried to arrange a blind date for her with a waidiren, she would instantly refuse. However, helplessly falling in love with a waidiren may sometimes be somewhat hard to control.

The same reluctance for a romance with an outsider is also echoed by Grace Yu, who works with Shanghai Cable TV.

"The many different life habits of two people that have been formed in different regions will influence their future marriage life," she said, citing, as an example, that people from the north like to eat garlic and she cannot stand its odour.

If two men having the same qualities turned up, but one was a Shanghai native and the other not, a Shanghai woman would mostly look more fondly on her fellow townsman, Yu said.

Shanghai women's practical minds and their "localism" have frightened away many self-conscious non-local men.

Old mores remain

As open-minded as Shanghai women appear to be, there are some aspects of their character which are actually the most old fashioned in China.

A survey conducted by the National Statistics Bureau on more than 700 women aged between 15 to 59 in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Chengdu - four of the biggest cities in China - found that Shanghai women were the most conventional or traditional on issues relating to family and marriage.

The idea that "a man should work outside to support the family while the wife stays at home taking care of the household chores," had the highest support among Shanghai women. In the same survey, support for the idea of living together before marriage had the lowest support among Shanghai women.

Compared with Beijing, the concept of "weekend couples," meaning couples living separately on weekdays for work and uniting at weekends, was less welcome in Shanghai.

Shanghai woman would also rather give up work and retire to be with the family. About 65 per cent of Shanghai women participating in the survey said they hoped to depend on their husbands.

It seems the city's recent rapid development has had far less influence on the inner thoughts of local women than their daring dresses would seem to indicate.

The latest survey conducted by Xu Anqi, a researcher with the Shanghai Social Sciences Academy, has revealed that Shanghai women's belief in reliance on men is even stronger among the young than among the older generations.

About 15 per cent of young women between 18 and 30 said that if the man was able to earn enough to support a family, they would just stay at home. This was one per cent higher than the result in a similar survey conducted citywide among women of all ages.

Surely it is not that Shanghai women are less capable than those in other regions or that they can't make a living on their own.

Latest statistics show that the average education Shanghai women receive is about 9.42 years, 3.3 years more than the national average. About 44.5 per cent of women have received higher or better education.

The employment rate for women is also high in Shanghai. However, about 67.8 per cent of them go out to work mainly to support their families instead of striving for their own economic independence or to enrich their own lives.

Nowadays Shanghai women are much envied by those in other cities for the greater rights they enjoy in the family. About 95 per cent of local women said they decide whether to buy expensive articles for themselves, and 93 per cent said they could decide whether to study or work outside.

Social prejudice

However, without the base of economic independence, it is hard to say that Shanghai women can enjoy all these necessary rights and still maintain their dignity.

Local experts have carried out a lot of research into this issue.

"An important reason for Shanghai women becoming even less independent is still gender prejudice within society," said Xu. "Many companies don't want to employ women."

This can be easily shown by the difficulty women university graduates encounter in looking for a job. Violation of women's rights is frequently commented on and the non-discrimination laws to protect women are not well known by those employers who break the laws.

Difficulties in making a success of a chosen career often sends a Shanghai woman back home.

And it is impossible for a couple to work hard at their jobs and neglect family life, especially after a child is born. However, then it is usually the wife and mother who gives up her career and retires to do the family chores.

"If society doesn't change, a Shanghai woman's reliance on a Shanghai man won't change and may even increase," Xu said.

   
       
               
         
               
   
 

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