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Cohabiting yes, marriage no
( 2003-11-06 08:48) (eastday.com)

Some years ago if anyone had asked Zhang Hongmei, a widow in Shanghai who lost her husband 30 years ago, if she would again live with a man, she would have scoffed at the notion.

Now, though, the 68-year-old is cohabiting with a retired official: They live like an ordinary couple but without a marriage certificate.

"I don't want to marry again. I just want a companion at this stage of my life," said Zhang.

Zhang is not alone. Some 10 percent of the senior citizens in the city who have lost their spouses prefer to "live in" rather than remarry, according to a survey by Shanghai University.

"Since remarriage between elders is always fragile, many local seniors think it is more flexible to live together without being constrained by a formal marriage," said Zhang Zhongru, sociologist at Shanghai University.

Unlike young people, seniors tend to compare the new spouse with their original mates. Therefore, if any trifle dissatisfaction occurs, they easily break up, she said.

According to local courts, the divorce rate among remarried senior couples has reached 50 percent.

Besides, objections and obstacles from offspring also hinder the aged from remarrying.

"I doubt the old lady's motivation in living with my father. I won't be surprised if she has eyes on my father's property," Chen Fa, son of Zhang's "husband," said, adding that this was his and his brother's biggest worry.

Officials claim that since remarriage between senior couples will involve problems of how to handle their personal property and the inheritance issue, offsprings tend to think twice about the situation.

"Even if my children agree, others will still sneer at me," said Zhang, alluding to the general reaction in society.

She now lives in her boyfriend's house, and, at times, also travels with him.

On weekends, however, she returns to her family - she lives with one of her two sons - doing housework and living the life of a mother and a granny.

"We both have more freedom under the current situation. If there is any problem, or if one of us passes away, it will also be easy to end it all," Zhang said.

But officials are not sanguine about cohabitation.

"Since cohabitation is not protected by law, old couples should be cautious," said Sun Pengbiao, vice director of the Shanghai Research Center on Aging.

 
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