Following in love's steps
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Wu Di,co-founder of Dating Camp |
"The problem with boys is worse. They don't even address the problem. The biggest problem with them is lack of confidence, and they usually have no idea about how to get along with the girls," Wu says.
Born in the 1980s, most of them are the only child in their family. They grew up striving for good grades and living up to their parents' high expectations.
"Many of them have never received the approval of their parents growing up and have lost the confidence to make new friends," Wu says.
Such parents can sometimes go to extremes. One Dating Camp attendee, single at 31, was forced by her mother to go on more than 50 blind dates in a year. Far from finding a partner, the experience made her resentful and frustrated.
"This is very typical of Chinese parents," Wu says.
"Her mother once said to her: 'I'll get you a wedding this Spring Festival. Bring a man, whoever he is. As long as we can have a wedding'.
"Many of them have never had a relationship and tend to hold unrealistic ideals about love. They wait for a certain kind of feeling. But feelings don't come easy. You have to be able to express and receive the love signals."
"This is a result of the transformation of our society," she says.
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"The social networks of the old times have collapsed. The old thinking of dating and marrying doesn't fit any more. Now we all live on our individual islets and there is no one around to arrange things for you. Love is not food rations. You can't just sit around and wait for it."
At Dating Camp, typically participants first go through two hours of psychological counseling, during which they learn about who they are, what they want in a relationship and how they can communicate better. After that they take a three-month salsa course and learn how to get close to a partner through body language.
"In dance, they learn to think with their body, not their brain," says Bob Liu, Wu's business partner and salsa coach at Dating Camp.
Every week, the members go to salsa parties to practice what they have learned in class. There are also parties where everyone brings a suitor they don't find compatible with themselves to enlarge their social circle.
"You really have to teach them everything, from how to groom, where to stand, to how to approach people. Once you can handle all these, you are almost there," Wu says.
Before becoming a relationship therapist, Wu worked as the editorial manager at ELLE China. While running a relationships column for the magazine, she also worked part-time as a physiological therapist.
The satisfaction of helping people as a therapist prompted Wu to start a business combining therapy with dance.
"More young unmarried women began coming to me three years ago, complaining about how hard it was to find an eligible man," she says.
"I was astonished to learn that the only way for them to meet someone was through blind dates, something we abandoned in the 1980s. We simply went to the weekly proms."
In 2011, she joined up with Bob Liu, a long-time friend and salsa veteran, and set up Dating Camp, with the aim of helping people improve their "love quotient" through dance.
With Dating Camp going strong, Wu now plans to expand the business with the addition of Marrying Camp, Divorcing Camp and Remarrying Camp in 2013.
Contact the writer at sunyuanqing@chinadaily.com.cn.
