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Marriage etiquette and conventions in rural northwest Hubei

Updated: 2011-12-23

The bride and groom are set to prepare for the wedding ceremony when they have the marriage certificate and settle down on the wedding day.

The bride's family receives guests the day before the wedding, as they are to prepare for dowries in advance. In the past, dowries were wooden furniture, such as three-door cabinets, wardrobes, writing desks, dressers, fire baskets, wooden basins, tableware and quilts. Nowadays, material conditions are better and dowries include refrigerators, air-conditioners, washing machines, electric fans and bedroom suites.

The night before the wedding, the bride says parting words with her mother and sister-in-law. They instruct the bride in fundamentals concerning piety to the parents-in-law, mothering and handling household duties.

The groom's family has much more to do. They are to have capable persons receive guests well.

The reception personnel must know the rules and have gifts. They must be prestigious and good at organizing and commanding. Local officials normally serve as the commanders-in-chief to make arrangements for the groom's family.

The groom's family must hire a person to receive gifts. It must also have a number of females to receive the bride and people to extend other help, such as preparing the tables, chairs and cooking utensils, cooking the dishes, boiling water, lifting dowries, serving plates and stewing alcohol.

Marriage etiquette and conventions in rural northwest Hubei
Marriage etiquette and conventions in rural northwest Hubei

After breakfast, the reception chief leads a team to the bride's home. He displays the engagement gifts of the groom – normally clothes, shoes, kerchiefs and cosmetics for the bride and garments for the parents of the bride. If the bride's family is dissatisfied with the gifts, they will stay where they are. The reception chief will talk glibly, saying if one feels discontent at this time, we will make your son-in-law show greater piety in the future. He goes on to say that what's done cannot be undone. We will have to leave if you stick to keeping the bride. The bride's side has to give way and see the bride off.

As a popular saying goes, ten miles apart, the customs are quite different. According to Zhushan custom, the bride's brother is to carry the bride on his back when leaving home.

The team fetching the bride sets out. In general, one man from the groom's side leads the way and the bride comes next. They are followed by people seeing the bride off, receiving the bride and carrying the dowries.

When the bride arrives, firecrackers are set off. The people accompanying the bride are led to the neighbor's home for rest. They will return after lunch. The groom's family sets out with the wedding ceremony. The game of having the groom and the bride bite an apple is surely indispensible. When the ceremony ends, the bride is sent to the bridal chamber. Cousins swarm into the chamber to "tease the newlyweds". Some would beg for fruit and dessert with the bride, while others search for red eggs under the quilts. Having had enough, they have a feast to celebrate the consummation.

Rules of Xixiang, Fangxian county: The newlyweds will hold an alcohol jug to propose a toast to every guest. The guests will propose questions, asking the groom and bride to repeat implicit dirty jokes, a move to help them put off coyness. If the bride keeps silent, the guests will not drink. The guests set up a "panel" to judge how "dirty" the jokes are and how much the guests must drink. If the guests do not drink, the bride will pull up their ears to fill the liquor into their mouths. The banquet ends when everyone gets drunk as lords.

On the second morning, the newlyweds will eat "first noodles". The relatives take out fruits prepared in advance for the bride to identify. The bride will say ‘this is jujube' (homophonic of having a baby early), and ‘that is peanut' (implying to have sons and daughters). They will wipe a blowpipe with pan ash and tell the bride to blow on it. The bride will have a black circle around her mouth, provoking laughter. According to the local rule, no rules shall be obeyed in the first three days and everyone can play a trick on the bride, and the bride in not allowed to get angry.

People of Shiyan, in remote mountainous areas, have special folk customs, particularly relating to marriage and weddings. Shiyan has more trees than people. There are not many chances for young men and women to get acquainted with each other. Marriage mainly relies on the help of matchmakers. When it comes to settle on the wedding day, the groom's family will present gifts to the bride's family, including some cloth for the future mother-in-law.

Weddings are usually held after the autumn or during the Spring Festival. It is in the habit of meeting the bride with drums at night. The groom will send the bride sesame oil sugar wheat cakes and extend the parents-in-laws with a pair of "parent cakes" for piety. The bride will take tailor-made cloth shoes as gifts for the parents and relatives of the bridegroom.

Before she leaves in a sedan chair, the bride will scatter a handful of chopsticks on the ground of the central room, symbolizing having children earlier. After the wedding and teasing, the newlyweds cannot share the same bed or the same pillow. They will sit up until daybreak. This is said to help the couple with ever-lasting conjugal affection. On the second day, the groom's family holds a banquet to entertain guests accompanying the bride to the new home. The event will end under the trumpet song of "seeing the bridegroom off."