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My ridiculous records for the Bird's Nest

By Linda Gibson (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-04-22 07:58

The latest gimmick for bringing people and their money to the empty Bird's Nest stadium is a high-wire act. The performer aims to spend five hours a day on the high wire and the rest of his 60-day stint living in a hut on the stadium roof.

He hopes to set world records for the most cumulative time on a high wire and the longest time spent living above the ground.

Local authorities hope this two-month spectacle will bring in enough money to keep the stadium from becoming construction rubbish.

If local authorities seek potential world-record events to stage in the Bird's Nest, they really don't need to look any further than everyday life here in Beijing. Why not try these:

Queueing - coverage of this event begins even before the contestants get into the stadium, as they'll have to queue up to get in.

They'll be judged on technique (like velcroing the front of your body to the back of someone in front of you who is good at advancing), persistence (such as rock-hard, immovable-object stubbornness to keep from being pushed back), endurance (for those who devote days to camping out in line) and of course, how close to the front of the line they are.

Personality, originality and a good sob story also will help get people inside. Once inside, contestants will vie to be close enough to the front of the pack to keep from being eliminated. Each day, the 5,000 furthest from the front will be culled.

Medics will stand by to evacuate the injured. Chengguan will punish those who are too violent.

Running tallies will be posted for those eliminated by trampling, chengguan, or failure to get to the front. Potential world record: most number of people passed to get to the front of the line.

On the last day, 100 people at the front of the pack will be awarded laminated cards entitling them to go to the front of any line in the country for one year, including hospitals, real estate sales and banks.

Ganbei - the top 100 ganbei toasters from around the country gather at 10 tables in the Bird's Nest stadium. After toasting begins, contestants are eliminated when they vomit.

If they pass out, they have 60 seconds to wake up and toast again or they lose their place.

Toasting continues until only one man is left standing at each table. Those 10 gather at another table and continue. The last one standing at this table then has 60 seconds to walk, or crawl, unaided to yet another table some distance away and toast the crowd.

Potential world record: greatest amount of liquor taken at one event.The winner gets an all-expenses paid, month-long stay at a luxury detox facility.

KTV Idol - the 25 winners from regional contests compete in front of three judges: a singer who was famous 20 years ago, a KTV club owner and a cross-talk comedian. Contestants perform in categories ranging from Peking opera to Mongolian folk.

The crowd votes to eliminate two candidates at a time.

The final three contestants must enter a simulated KTV club on the stadium field to successfully cope with a hostile reservations receptionist and avoid triggering attacks from club security guards before they can sing the song of their choice.

If more than one candidate manages this, they must take turns singing. The last one to lose their voice wins.

Potential world record: biggest audience for a karaoke performance.

The winner gets to perform his favorite KTV song during the last two minutes of the annual Spring Festival Gala.