Comment

Flapping in the wind

By Joseph Christian (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-05-10 08:03

It was a beautiful spring morning. The ample sunshine warmed me from the brisk breeze that swept through Tian'anmen Square. I've always enjoyed watching the numerous flags in the square flap in the wind, but on this day they weren't the only thing flapping.

As I roamed the square snapping a few pictures, I turned to see silky threads of greasy black hair fluttering in the wind. I followed the threads down to the head of the culprit whose 30 centimeter comb-over was the longest I have ever seen. My jaw dropped in disbelief as his comb-over seemed to be dancing in the wind.

I let out a laugh. The man looked up from his camera and shot me a puzzled look. I only wished he would have realized what I knew that it was going to take more than some hair gel to tame that beast on his head.

By no means are comb-overs unique to Chinese men but I seem to run into them much more often here. There are many kinds from the outrageously long, to the few wispy hairs carefully spread over the top of the head. But they all have one thing in common; they are hideous.

I once had a boss that had one of the most disgusting comb-overs I have seen. He grew it long on one side and tried to cover the large bald spot on his head by combing his hair in a swirling motion over the top of his head. As you might guess, both the Chinese and foreign workers had plenty of nicknames for my boss, none very endearing.

Although I get a lot of amusement out of them, I have always wondered why comb-overs seem to be more prevalent in the Middle Kingdom.

One seemingly convincing explanation is the idea of face. Perhaps Chinese men are afraid that a bald head will make them lose face and they will appear more weak and unhealthy. Both are signs of a lack of virility and something no Chinese man wants to lose.

But I am not convinced by this argument. In fact, I think it is why men all over the world con themselves into thinking a comb-over will work. Call it respect, call it reputation, call it face; no man wants to be at the bottom rung of the ladder to true manhood.

Rather than face I believe that there are two reasons why comb-overs are more prevalent in China than in my native America at least so prevalently obvious.

First, in America there is the wider use of products that effectively stop or even replace hair loss. The first that comes my mind is Rogaine, which has helped to stop or reduce the hair loss of millions of American men. The next is hair transplant surgery which in some cases can even give a bald man a full head of hair again.

Of course both these things are available in China, but most men don't use them because of their extremely high cost.

One of the reasons American males more widely use such hair replacement tools is that their middle-class lifestyle gives them more money to burn. I think that in the future as China's middle class continues to grow, you will see a wider use of such things to prevent or fix hair lost. At least that is what I hope.

Second, American men who do decide to flop their hair over their head do so in a much more sophisticated fashion. To any American, the name Donald Trump would immediately come to mind. His comb-over is so artfully constructed it is a living piece of contemporary American art. If you need more proof, consider that two American inventors were awarded a US Patent for their comb-over creation.

A lot of Chinese men I see just seem to flop their mop over their head and pray that it doesn't get windy. They could learn a lesson from Mr Trump and at least put a little bit of time and effort into it.

However, in the end there is something much more important than pontificating about the nature of comb-overs that I must relay to those reading this article.

If you are sporting a comb-over, for the love of everything that is good, please cut it off. You're bald and that thing on your head isn't fooling anyone. If you really want to fix your baldness then you are going to have to burn some cash for medication or surgery that actually works.

If not then you're just going to have to come to terms with the fact that you are bald.