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Hawaiian haste great advice for city's speedsters

By Han Bingbin (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-05-20 07:58

Here's one of my typical days in Hawaii.

I got up late and rushed to the elevator with my hair uncombed. People would politely ignore my messy look and offer me a cozy sunny morning smile. When the elevator arrived, someone steps aside, waiting for me to get in first. And there is always another "someone" who holds the door open till everybody is in.

Later as I was about to cross the road, I gave a casual look to the left, and the next minute, the roaring flow of cars suddenly fell still in front of the zebra crossing. Enjoying the privilege of crossing the road all alone, I could not help but indulge in the vanity of being a "king" with so many cars politely waiting on me.

Students poured into classroom through a narrow door. The guy ahead of me waited inside holding the door. In class, someone was criticizing the shortcomings of my short story, showing no will to stop. I looked at her helplessly. She met my eyes and immediately paused, and then she said, "Oh, I'm really sorry, I should have waited to hear how you think about it."

That afternoon, I bought an alarm clock. Unfortunately, not until I arrived home did I find that the clock was defective. I returned to the shop and complained to the assistant. She waited patiently with a smile and occasional nod till I finished and then promised all my needs would be taken care of.

All the above is just a running account. No big deal really, except when you compare it with life in Beijing. At night in bed, I recalled how I was treated in the city.

The subway is always crowded and people don't wait. A lot of times, we squeeze in, crowding into each other. On the streets cars refuse to wait.

Immersed in competition, people are on the run every minute. Some of them are aggressive. Understandably, salesmen are always in a hurry chasing profit. However, they become too impatient to wait on costumer needs.

No doubt they are all good and smart people, perhaps just a bit dazzled by the speeding economy and fast social change.

Chinese people are always said to have a more strict sense of group and society. So surely in public we should bear in mind that there is always "others" around.

In Hawaii when the people at the elevator waited for me, I was reminded that I had stepped into a "spontaneous interaction network". The network works so well that every single action of mine affects others. If I looked solemn and cynical for no reason, then the whole elevator carriage could have frozen. When people offer care and attention, it ought to be repaid in kind.

In Beijing some of us indulge in the dangerous assumption that we can at any time refrain from social interaction. But it should be borne in mind that even if we don't speak, we are still communicating with people through our behavior. And that body language and facial expressions speak for us too. And they seldom lie.

Waiting is probably the easiest and yet most effective way of showing respect. When we wait for someone, we are telling him or her that we are aware of his or her existence, and we are consciously avoiding selfish acts that may cause discomfort for him or her.

Even in a speeding city like Beijing, we should still take a few minutes to wait. Through waiting, we invite people into our openness and politeness. That's how mutual respect breeds. Squeezed into the subway in Beijing, I want to shout to the whole city. "Hey, wait!"

 

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