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Have a gift ready when meeting the parents

(China Daily)
Updated: 2011-04-18 08:06

I'm about to meet my Chinese girlfriend's parents for the first time. I'm 27, she's 23. I was transferred to Beijing from the United States last year but I don't speak much Chinese. How do I make sure I don't do something stupid that offends them?

If you're the first foreign boyfriend she's bringing home you have a problem. If you're the second or third, then you have an even bigger problem. Let's hope you're the first, in which case you won't have to pay for the sins of the former. Something Westerners tend to do that is infuriating to Asian hosts is arriving empty-handed. Bring a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive; fruit is always welcome but invest a few kuai more and have the vendor wrap it nicely with a basket and ribbon. Also, load your mobile up with photos of your family. A picture says a thousand words; no translation required.

Ever since we moved to Beijing, I've become obsessed with the fear that my husband will cheat on me. We're both in our 40s and from Britain. He's a businessman and has to entertain clients often. I'm sure he's taking them to those so-called "girlie bars" but he refuses to admit it. It's starting to affect our relationship.

"Gentlemen's clubs" exist in every town around the world. In Western countries, husbands are just better at keeping the "business meeting" after work a secret from their wives. If your husband wants to avoid going to these places, he can. Luxury hotels have great lounges and are a sophisticated alternative to dark, smoky KTV rooms. If you're at a point where you're feeling fearful and obsessed in your relationship, see a counselor who can give you both the platform and tools to strengthen your marriage.

My girlfriend constantly reads Chinese ghost stories on her laptop and then can't sleep because she's so scared. We're both in our 20s; she's Chinese, I'm not. I don't know why she does it and it makes me really mad.

Ask a Chinese friend to recommend a variety of best-sellers (excluding ghost stories) and buy them for her. If there's an English translation of a Chinese book, you can both read your versions and discuss the story. Now that's pillowtalk.

Needrelationship advice from METRO's agony aunt? E-mail your questions to metrobeijing@chinadaily.com.cn. Please give as many details about yourself and the situation as possible. All information provided will be kept in the strictest confidence.

(China Daily 04/18/2011)