Ask an Expert

Talk with your man before you accuse

(China Daily)
Updated: 2011-05-09 08:02

My boyfriend is showing less interest in me since we moved to Beijing from the United States. Is it a sign he's cheating on me?

Women split from men because they're unhappy in the relationship; most of the time there's no third party involved. Men, on the other hand, almost always separate from their partners because they're involved with someone else. You both made a significant commitment to each other by coming to China, but if you feel insecure about your relationship you need to bring it up with him in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory way. If his work commitments are such that he can't spend as much time with you as before, get involved with other things. But if there is solid evidence that he's cheating on you, investigate it discreetly and find out the truth.

My girlfriend and I have always had heated arguments, but lately our fights have turned physical. We're both in our 30s. We got together in Beijing almost a year ago. Is it time to break up?

It seems your failure to communicate has given in to overwhelming frustration that produces destructive results. There are professional counselors available in Beijing that can help you regardless of your income. If that's not a viable option, just remember not all relationships are meant to be. Maybe you're better off as friends than lovers.

My Chinese boss invited me to dinner at her home. It went really well but afterward, when I was briefly alone with her husband, he hit on me and asked me if I'd like to meet up with him. I kept my cool. Should I tell my boss?

Not unless you've got a fantastic severance package. Be grateful that it's your boss' husband and not your boss you need to avoid. If you run into him again, do not threaten him with telling your boss about him, it's a lose-lose situation for you. Do not tell your work colleagues about it either, news like that will be hot office gossip for weeks and your boss will eventually discover you're the source and the victim, only she may not see you that way. Fortunately, it's a rarity not the rule that Chinese bosses will socialize with their staff out of hours.

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chinadaily.com.cn. Give as many details about yourself and the situation as possible.

(China Daily 05/09/2011)