Want a date, guys? Ditch these fashion fails

Cargo shorts

They're dumpy and dorky, silly and bulky, and way too long, usually falling so far past the knees that grown men end up looking as if they have short little elf legs. The bigger problem, of course, is that the shorts are completely inauthentic in that nobody, except maybe MacGyver or Indiana Jones, needs that many pockets and the men who insist on these shorts are, alas, neither.

Yes, to the dismay of people of fashion, men have continued to wear cargo shorts, apparently unconcerned about their appearance and also unconcerned about being authentic - though in the age of not-so-real reality stars, alternative facts and fake news, perhaps we shouldn't be surprised.

According to a recent study by the dating app Hater - it matches people who hate the same things - guys who love cargo shorts are the least likely men on the site to get a date.

Which, in the interest of public service, brings me to other warm-weather dating deal breakers.

Guys, if you don't want to spend the summer alone, you'll need to stop wearing these things.

Flip-flops and sandals

Your feet are gross - sorry, guys, but it's true - and no one wants to see your hairy toes and ragged toenails. So this is a situation of aesthetics. Also, flip-flops are not shoes and should not be worn outside of your backyard or cottage retreat or beach because they are just too casual for anywhere else. This is also a situation of appropriateness. And if you think women don't notice, think again. We always notice your shoes - or lack thereof. It's just one of our things. Men who pay attention to their footwear tend to pay attention to details, and that is a good thing. Men who wear flip-flops come across as sloppy and out-of-touch about their own shortcomings.

Muscle shirts or tank tops

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Armpit hair is icky. Few people - if any - want to be confronted by it every time you raise your arm to reach for something. And no one wants to be smothered by it during an embrace. It's not only unsightly, it creates a weird sort of forced intimacy. Especially these days when everyone hugs everyone else - even casual acquaintances - hello and good-bye instead of shaking hands. It's just too much of ... you. Same goes for back hair. And too much is worse than not enough.

Backward sunglasses, baseball caps

Do you have eyes in the back of your head? No. So there is no need to wear these items backward. Doing so makes you look ridiculous and somewhat delusional. Being delusional is not an attractive quality in a potential date.

Athletic shorts as casual wear

Yes, they're comfortable, but so are boxer briefs and you don't wear those in lieu of pants, do you? The point is there is a time and a place for most things, and the time and place for those long and voluminous athletic shorts - which, by the way, always look as if they are weighted down by sweat even when they are not - is Saturday morning at the gym. Knowing the right setting and right time for clothing says a lot about a guy. It says he respects not just himself, but those around him and wants to make an effort when he's in public.

Dull, dingy (formerly) white T-shirts

Use bleach. Use OxiClean. White T-shirts are a classic. Think Springsteen, James Dean. A man who appreciates and respects a classic is a good man.

So, guys, if you end up spending the summer alone, don't say I didn't warn you.

Tribune News Service

想约会的男士，请丢弃这些不合时宜的穿着

工装短裤

它们看起来邋遢、过时、傻气、肥大，而且太长，通常都会长过膝盖，成年男人穿上就像长着小矮人一样的短腿儿。当然更大的问题是，它完全不靠谱，因为除非是《百战天龙》里的主角马盖先或印第安纳·琼斯，没人会需要那么多口袋，而那些非要穿工装短裤的人却不是这样的角色。

是的，让时尚人士感到惊愕的是，男人们继续穿着工装短裤，很明显，他们不在乎自己的外表，也不在乎是否显得靠谱——尽管在这个到处都是不真实的真人秀明星、另类事实和假新闻的时代，也许我们不应该那么惊讶。

根据交友应用Hater（它将憎恨同样事情的人进行配对）最近所做的一项研究显示，喜欢穿工装短裤的男人在这个交友群里最不可能获得约会机会。

说到这里，为大众着想，让我也来说说其他一些破坏在温暖天气里约会的穿着吧。

各位男士，如果你不想独自过夏天，就不要再穿以下这些东西了。

人字拖和拖鞋

你的脚很恶心——抱歉，各位男士，但这是事实——而且没人想看你长着毛的脚趾头和粗糙的脚趾甲。所以这是关于美感的问题。而且，人字拖不是鞋，不应该穿着走出你的后院，乡村度假小屋或者沙滩，因为它们在其他任何场合都显得太随意。这也是个是否得体的问题。如果你以为女性不会注意，那你还是再想想吧。我们总是会注意到你们的鞋子，或穿没穿。这是我们的天性。注意鞋子的男人通常也会注重细节，这是好事。 穿人字拖的男人给人的印象是邋遢，不了解自己的缺点。

圆领无袖紧身衫或背心

我以前说过，现在再说一次：腋毛很恶心。极少有人——如果有的话——愿意在你每次抬胳膊拿东西时看到你的腋毛。没人愿意在拥抱时因为它而屏息得透不过气。这不仅是不雅观，而且会造成一种怪异的让人不舒服的亲密感。特别是在当今，人们——甚至是和泛泛之交——常常以拥抱代替握手，来问候和告别。腋毛这东西，怎么说呢，太扎眼了。背毛也一样。过分比不足更糟糕。

反戴墨镜和棒球帽

你脑袋后面有眼睛吗？没有吧，所以用不着将它们反着戴。这样做会让你看起来很可笑，有几分妄想症的样子。约会时，看上去有妄想症可不是个吸引人的特质。

把运动短裤当休闲裤

是的，它们很舒服，但紧身内裤也舒服，而你不会只穿着内裤不穿裤子，对吧？我的意思是，大部分事情都要分时间和场合，就那些长长的宽松运动短裤来说，适合穿着的时间和地点是周六上午的健身房——顺便说一下，它们看起来总像是因浸了汗而坠坠的，即便实际情况并非如此。懂得什么时间和场合穿什么样的衣服，很能体现一个男人的素质。它表明这个男人不仅尊重自己，也尊重身边的人，并且他在公共场合会努力表现这一点。

(本段的翻译有奖征集中)

所以，男士们，如果你们最后还是单身一人度过夏天，可别说我没提醒过你们。

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上期获奖者：北京 中华女子学院 高艳秋