Chinese women and sa jiao

Editor's note: Sa jiao (撒娇) means acting like a spoiled child. Many Chinese women often resort to sa jiao when they want more attention or if they want to get their boyfriend or husband to do something for them. It is considered cute and feminine in Chinese society and a woman who does not use this "technique" is often seen as not feminine. But one of our forum readers from the US offers a different perspective.

Lexalee （US）

In China, sa jiao is understood and apparently OK as a form of role play between some couples. The narcissistic woman puts on a spoiled child act, throws tantrums, makes demands, and the guy shows he cares by acquiescing and giving in. It can get expensive for him, but it's a way of showing his masculinity to her and anyone watching. Foreigners find this sort of thing very embarrassing to watch. They are astonished at how a woman who seems sane suddenly changes into an infantile monster and how her boyfriend will just do whatever she wants. There's no dignity in it.

I don't recommend Chinese couples put on such displays in America, certainly not in public. Feminism has taken too strong a hold to make sa jiao acceptable behavior here. An American woman cannot assume that a man will take care of her, buy her expensive gifts, etc. If she makes too many unreasonable demands, he's likely to dump her. In fact, many American men are looking for a strong, smart woman to do the providing. Nuts to that. Whether you're a man or woman, you should at least be able to take care of yourself, because nothing in this uncertain world is guaranteed. The best combination is for a couple to complement each other's strengths to make up for each other's weaknesses, but a 50-50 balance is rarely achieved. There will always be some inequality, but give and take is essential in a healthy relationship.

The original piece: http://blog.chinadaily.com.cn/blog-1303276-16774.html