Love deferred for the good life
By Xu Lin ( China Daily ) Updated: 2015-09-26 08:22:33"In the fast-paced society in which we live it is very easy to marry. Some just marry each other when they reach marriageable age and then start to cultivate relationships. It's not easy to marry a person that you really like."
Zhu says she thinks she may be bisexual, but does not think that prevents her from having relationships. Indeed, she jokes that it increases her chances of falling in love with someone.
"I don't care whether my lover is a man or a woman, as long as he or she is the right one."
Like many Chinese parents, her parents want her to marry because they fear she will end up lonely, but at the same time they do not want to force her into marrying someone she has no feelings for. Zhu says she is trying to assure them she can have a good life even if she remains single.
She dislikes blind dates, she says, because they make her feel like a product, with those involved looking at the specifications of the two parties, such as age, appearance, salary and wealth.
She has little leisure time, she says, and in the little that she does she relaxes by cooking, jogging and watching soap operas. She works more than 10 hours a day from Monday to Friday, and reads and analyzes news about investment on Saturdays or Sundays.
Her single female friends have a few things in common, she says, all being well-educated, financially independent and mature in their thinking. They have certain expectations about love and are unwilling to accept second best.
Female friends of hers who have children have gradually shifted their focus to their families and have little time to spend with friends, she says. She finds, too, that they gradually have fewer things to chat about because they spend most of their energy on their children.
"It's true that single people have more freedom. But when you're ill or feel vulnerable, you can feel lonely. It comes down to this: Do you wait for the right person, or do you simply make do with any person?
Luo Ruixue, 31, of Shanghai, who works for an advertising agency, says: "I never worry that I will end up not marrying. But I always know that I don't want to get married when I am young.
"Marriage will last several decades of your life. The world is so big and colorful, so why not make the most of life while you are still single?"
About four years ago, when she was pursuing postgraduate studies in South Korea, her boyfriend proposed to her. He was in China and wanted her to come back to marry him after she graduated.
"I liked him very much, but I was nervous about getting married. I wanted to work for one or two years in South Korea and didn't want to change my plans, so we broke up."
However, when she eventually returned to China she felt pressure from parents, friends and colleagues, urging her to find a boyfriend.
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