Study pressure

Chinese parents have always required kids to study hard and do well, but these days the pressure is much worse, parents themselves are under pressure and the cost of education is rising sharply.

It's not just school fees and tuition. Parents pay for special tutoring and enrichment classes, like painting or playing a musical instrument. They buy nutrients to help kids' mental performance.

When a child is born, parents start saving for his or her future study abroad or at home. They may buy an expensive house near a coveted top school so their child can attend.

"Financial pressure on parents is easily passed on to children," says Song. "Instead of giving love and care, they communicate stress. They may hurl words like, 'I spent so much on your study. How can you disappoint us with such a bad score'?"

Scolding is cruel and unfair and may make kids reject education.

Suggestion:

All children want to do well, but if there's too much expectation, they get frustrated and may seek achievement and recognition in other ways, such as cyber games, unhealthy behavior, being a tough guy.

Children have different intelligence and aptitudes. Don't blame or punish a child for a low score if she or he has done their best. Affirm their achievement, discuss improvement and urge them to try harder.

Net addiction

This didn't exist 20 years ago, but it is widespread and many parents call it their No. 1 worry. Cell phone dependence is linked. Kids withdraw from the real world and healthy relationships.

One desperate mother says her 16-year-old son surfed the Internet all the time and accessed it from his cell phone in class. Mom canceled the Internet connection and took away the phone.

The boy smashed dishes and refused to go to school, saying he would be mocked by his peers and unable to talk about cyber games, a favorite topic.

Suggestion:

"Blocking" access is a common parental response, but it's counterproductive.

"All addiction is rooted in pleasure," says counsellor Zheng. "People gain pleasure where they can and if kids don't get warmth and affection at home or school, they turn to something else to soothe themselves."

Parents should spend more time with their children and find other things for them to enjoy, such as sports, travel, reading, music - there must be something.

Loneliness and depression

As most people live in flats, there is less general interaction. Because of the family planning policy, many children lack siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts. Parents are often at work, leaving children home alone to watch TV or surf the Internet. Kids get lonely.

Their lives are gray and repetitive: school, study, sleep, eat, over and over. It's depressing. Kids express their emotions more online, less in the real world. They interact less and their conversational and social skills deteriorate.

Suggestion:

Give children a more varied and interesting life. Home is not just for study. Outdoors activity promotes a healthy attitude.

Puppy love, early pregnancy

Twenty years ago, puppy love was shameful, so it was kept secret. It usually happened in middle school.

Today it's very different and hotline counsellors say more kids in primary schools get crushes. Pupils are ashamed if they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

"Adolescents compare everything - clothing, cell phones, family cars and relationships," says director Song.

With more and more puppy love, early pregnancy is not rare, experts say. A couple of months after summer vacation (when boys and girls get together), the hotline starts to get calls about pregnancy and adoption.

Suggestion:

"Surveys suggest that children from single-parent families are more likely to fall in puppy love and even get involved sexually," says counsellor Zhang. "Lack of a good family life leads kids to hunt for love and warmth outside the family."

To show they care, parents must communicate with children, but they should always be positive and talk about things kids like, pop music, sports, movies. Never define this attraction to the opposite sex as love.