Comment

On 'Can laowai make 'real' friends?'

(China Daily)
Updated: 2010-01-04 08:59

Do Chinese have real friendships?

Interesting article. But it shouldn't be: "Can Laowai make real friends." I think the article should be titled: "Do Chinese have real friendships?"

If someone doesn't want to invite people over to their house because their living conditions might make them lose face, then naturally they will think in the same way when they go to the country-side and look down on rural people.

I think this is a very immature process of thought. I've been to many houses in China and seen people living in filthy and Spartan conditions. "That's just the way it is," is what I think.

But I look at a lot more than their house when I consider those people, my friends. I look at their kindness, hospitality, generosity, openness, peacefulness, and hard work. The last thing on the list is their living conditions.

Thinking back to when I visited people's homes in China, I think of my friends, not their living conditions.

Apparently Chinese think the other way around. The first thing they consider is the living conditions and they judge others on it. Therefore, they believe everyone does the same thing. This is sad, very sad.

Inviting people to your home is a very hospitable American thing, but it isn't for everyone. I feel it is sad that the foreign couple felt bad they hadn't been invited to the Chinese house.

Don't they know that not how they show their hospitality and kindness? If they really had been in China for five years, heck only one year, they should have known that. Plus, when you invite someone to your house, you don't do it in the hope you'll get invited back - you do it because you are hospitable. Am I right?

So I guess my point is: Do you Chinese have real friendships?

I mean, if all you think about is the house and living conditions, then life is just a competition. My friend Zhang invited me over once; he has a large flat screen TV, two bathrooms and a massive kitchen. We only have a 23-inch TV, half a bathroom and a tiny kitchen.

We won't invite them over because we would lose face, but we will invite them over when we can afford a TV similar to theirs! Crazy!

Sounds like "keeping up with the Zhangs" instead of "keeping up with the Joneses"!

Magnus and Mingxing