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Relationship torn between love and tradition

By Angel Du (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-02-03 09:38

When I fell in love with an American student two years ago while studying in the US, I never expected it would be so hard. You probably don't know how traditional some parts of this country are.

My mom was strongly against our relationship simply because he was an American. She replied to my e-mail saying that if I kept on dating him, she would never consider me as her own daughter. Before that, she even hadn't asked his name or anything about him. My boyfriend said jokingly that it was the first time he felt prejudice because of his nationality.

I don't blame my mom for saying this because I know how much courage and determination she had to gather to say those cruel words to me, but I was surprised how terrible an intercultural relationship looked for the older generation. However, the case is very different from place to place in China.

In Shanghai, parents are more open. One of my friends dates an American boy who visited her family last summer. They welcomed him warmly and her dad even cooked many dishes. She told me many Shanghai parents want foreigners to be their son-in-laws.

My experience was the complete opposite. My family refused to talk to me for two weeks after I came back to China and told them I would continue dating him. My grandpa, who was seriously sick, told me he would never allow me to visit him again if I insisted. All those things hurt a lot.

It occurred to me that stereotypes of Westerners are still rooted deeply in people's minds, like they easily fall in love and break up lightly; they don't take relationship as a big deal; they easily have sex with others. Many friends who received American education even warned me of the pessimistic sides of my relationship.

I have to admit that my hometown in middle China is not as modern as Shanghai or Beijing, but it is still a big developing city.

But when my mom told her friends about us, they thought it was a shame to date a foreigner. "Aren't Chinese men good enough for you?" they asked. Yes, they are, but they didn't fall in love with me.