Young Chinese couples struggle with seperation issues

Making good while they are young and able is driving young married couples in China apart - at least during the week. Liu Zhihua looks at why these 'weekend' unions are fraught with dangers.

Members of China's famous rural migrant labor force take on menial jobs in the big cities because they can earn more than what they make at home. If it means they are separated from their children and family for long stretches of time on end, it is a cost they are willing to pay for a better financial future. At a totally different level up the economic pyramid, there are urban folks who are in the same plight, and basically for the same reasons. They are China's up and coming, the ambitious young executive climbing up the corporate ladder, the young entrepreneur devoting time to her new business, the double-income-no-kids couple saving for a bigger house, car and family.

Graphics by Li Feng/China Daily

They are married, but living apart because their work takes them away from each other.

Chao Jie (not her real name), 30, is a case in point. The Shanghai resident lives in paradise every weekend when she meets up with her husband in the suburbs, but says she goes back to a living hell during the weekdays when she has to stay in town for work.

The separation is difficult because the couple is newly wed. Chao met her match in April 2010, when she was just starting up her public relations company. The two quickly fell in love and got married earlier this year.

Because they cannot afford sky-high property prices in Shanghai, her husband has chosen to live in his parents' house in the suburbs, while Chao rents a room near her company.

Every weekend, Chao makes the long commute back to the suburbs.

"We are passionately happy on Friday and the weekend, but it's sad when Monday comes and sometimes we quarrel. During the week, we count the time until we can be together," Chao says.

The separation is telling on the relationship and Chao says she cannot help yelling at her husband, even though she always feels guilty afterwards.

Because of their inexperience, Chao's first pregnancy miscarried at 50 days, which has added to her depression.

Her frequent clashes with her husband have also infuriated her mother-in-law, who is telling her husband to get a divorce. In fact, after a particularly fierce fight, he did suggest they end their marriage.

"Although he apologized later, saying he was in such a fury and didn't really mean it, what he said hurt me so much," Chao says.

Her situation is not unique. In fact, weekend couples are common in many major cities.

"Quite a lot of people around me are weekend couples or those who only see their spouses once every month," says a young woman working for an embassy in Beijing, who asked to be called Gai Fan.

Among her friends, there are several couples who live apart in different cities. Many more have to travel within China or abroad, and spend little time at home. All for work, Gai says.

Gai was like them, but she ended her "separation lifestyle" earlier this year. Previously, her husband was working in Tianjin and they could only meet in Beijing every weekend. She remembers those days as bittersweet.

"We could not see each other often, so we cherished every minute we were together," Gai recalls.

But there were undercurrents, too.

"Although we stayed in touch through phone calls most of the week, I still felt like a single woman.

"And, if he didn't answer my calls at once, I would start worrying about accidents or other bad thoughts. Sometimes, I would even suspect he wasn't loyal."