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Tragedy shows loneliness of students

By Wang Chao (China Daily)
Updated: 2009-12-25 10:52

Zhu Haiyang, a PhD candidate at America's Virginia Tech, who beheaded his Beijing friend Xin Yang last year, was sentenced to life in jail on Tuesday. To everybody's surprise, his motivation was simply that: "I loved her too much, but she refused my love."

It was reported that Zhu had made the announcement when he learned Yang was engaged to someone. He felt forced to kill her because he loved her and his background and education was far superior to her fianc's.

This is just one example of the rejection and desperation many Chinese men feel when they want to start a relationship at an American university.

For many Chinese students in the US, their initial excitement of going to an American university quickly fades in a small university town. Usually, there are not many forms of entertainment other than bars and stores.

But if you are a pretty girl, you might find yourself surrounded by male students from the day you go to an orientation party held by the Chinese Students and Scholars Association (CSSA). They will offer you free rides supermarkets on weekends. Some women will end up starting a relationship with them, but others may find them annoying.

And it's sad that on an American campus, Chinese men are usually less popular than women, who can be pursued by both Chinese and Westerners.

Chinese men might be considered well-educated back home, but in a foreign university, they can find it hard to impress a Chinese girl. Naturally, as students are placed in a foreign country, one of the main problems they face is insecurity.

One of my female friends posted a message on MitBBS, the most popular online forum among Chinese students in the US, to search for a potential boyfriend. She received tons of responses. Ironically, almost all respondents judged her based on her appearance or age, and then wanted to "make a friend with her". This early fight for relationship dominance was an obvious way for them to save face, given that they were searching for love online.

Chinese men find it difficult to fight for a girlfriend while maintaining their fragile masculine pride. In this sense, Zhu is also a victim of the distorted overseas love life.