More care urged by psychologists for children who witness family abuse

Psychologists have suggested that more care and help be given to children in China who witness abuse between family members.

The calls come as the nation has worked in recent years to help victims of domestic violence by focusing on perpetrators.

Shen Xu, from Brighten Youth Up, a research institute in Shaanxi province for children's education and development, said watching parents fighting or assaulting one another is traumatic for children, and the harm done may persist into adulthood.

"It is very harmful for children to live in families where there is domestic violence," she said. "Some family members lack confidence and are reluctant to talk to people, while others are aggressive in relationships."

In a video posted by Beijing News in January, a 25-year-old woman, referring to herself as Jolene, tells how she witnessed her father forcing her mother under him and punching her in the head.

"My grandparents also saw the incident, but none of us could stop my father's attack," she said. "I was so upset over the failure to save my mom, and I refused to talk to my father for a long time.

"My grandparents asked me to forgive my dad when I grew up, but I didn't. I cannot forget the sight of him assaulting my mom," she said, adding that she will not reconcile with him any time soon.

Another woman, also 25, who wanted to be named as Qian Qian, said in the video that she had a recurrent dream when she was young after seeing her mother fall victim to domestic violence at the hands of her father.

"In that nightmare, I was separated from my mom by a glass door. I hit the door in an attempt to rescue her, but it was useless. It made me anxious after I woke," she said, adding that the anxiety still lingers.

"For example, when I call home and get no answer, I become worried again," she said.

To protect her mother and prevent such violence, Qian Qian took action. She wrote a letter to her father, telling him he was a nice person, with the exception of his abuse. She also got down on her knees to beg him not to assault her mother, without success.

"Once, I even rushed into the kitchen carrying a knife to threaten my dad to get him to stop fighting, but again without success," she added. "I thought he might be angry because I was a girl or that I had no high grades at school, so I studied hard. But my good performance failed to stop the abuse."

Li Yanyan, a psychologist from Gansu province, said child trauma will go unnoticed, let alone be alleviated, if parents do not realize that domestic violence is a problem that affects their offspring.

"Children who witness or experience domestic abuse often feel they are not important and that they cannot be loved in relationships. Some even think their lives are not valuable," said Li, also founder of Guanxin Education, an institute established in 2010 to offer psychological aid for young people.

"When parents turn to help their children after finding them depressed or behaving abnormally, I often tell them to reflect on themselves first," Li said, adding that psychological aid for parents is sometimes needed more than that for children.

Shen, from Brighten Youth Up, said children in families where there is a history of domestic violence have too many difficulties in saving themselves.

"Providing them help from third-party institutions is a must, but we won't find these children and solve their problems if they don't come to us," she said.

Priority needs to be given to getting parents to realize that violence is harming their children, and to helping adults stop the abuse, she said.

To help families solve their problems and promote the parent-child relationship, Li's institute organizes training camps each year. It also regularly discusses psychological topics at schools, bookstores and shopping malls.

"We hope parents will understand more about their children through these activities and quickly come to understand their own problems," Li added.