Parents start coming to terms with the reality of childhood depression

The pressures of the modern world are resulting in a growing number of adolescents being diagnosed with mental health issues. Yang Zekun reports.

A refusal to communicate with family members, a loss of liveliness, constant inactivity, long periods of silence, a desire to hide in his room, often seemingly sitting in a trance－these were the changes Pei Xiaoling failed to notice in her son six years ago.

The 43-year-old, who works as a dental nurse at a hospital in Weifang, Shandong province, still blames herself for her lack of insight when a doctor in the city diagnosed her then-13-year-old son, Zhang Yijun, with depression.

Pei never imagined that her decision to have a second child would be the thing that would finally overwhelm Zhang, who is now 19.

In late 2015, China passed legislation that allowed all couples to have two children. Like many of their friends, Pei and her husband wanted another child.

After his parents told Zhang of their decision at the beginning of 2016, he started distancing himself from them and spoke less with other family members.

According to the Report on National Mental Health Development in China (2019-20), published by the Institute of Psychology at the Chinese Academy of Sciences in March last year, depression among juveniles is becoming more prominent and has severely affected many young lives.

It added that mental illnesses are being caused by several factors, including pressures imposed by families, inappropriate parenting styles and influences from the surrounding environment, but many parents have not realized that fact.

Based on a survey of about 60,000 people, the report showed that the depression detection rate among adolescents was 24.6 percent in 2020, while the incidence of major depression was 7.4 percent.

Pei and her husband weren't seriously concerned about Zhang's condition until they received a call from his teacher, who told them that the boy was often absent from classes, had failed to submit homework several times in the semester and had lied by giving a number of excuses.

They were surprised by the news, so Pei visited the teacher and spoke with him at length to learn more about her son's situation on campus. She was assured that Zhang had not been bullied either by his teachers or classmates, so that cause could be ruled out.

Back at home, Pei, her husband and other family members discussed Zhang's behavior, believing that he was undergoing a rebellious adolescent phase and may have been led astray by unruly elements.

"Every day, his father or I took him to the school gates before we went to work, so how could he miss classes? My husband was very angry. He questioned and punished the boy, but Yijun refused to chat with us, so we could not reach his heart," she said.

Secret surveillance

The situation didn't improve. Zhang continued to skip classes, so Pei decided to tail him.

She took him to school as usual and told him not to miss classes, then she pretended to leave for work but instead she monitored him secretly. She discovered that he wandered around the school gates for several minutes after she left, then he walked home.

"He didn't enter our home, though. He went to a corner in our community's underground parking lot. He just sat there, doing nothing. I was so shocked and sad. I didn't know what had happened to him or what I should do. I didn't bother him, and he left the lot just as evening fell and came home," Pei said.

She called her husband and the teacher to tell them about the situation. That was when the teacher suggested they should check Zhang's mental state.

In May 2016, Zhang was diagnosed with depression. The doctor prescribed medication, but the negative side effects were obvious.

"He became more sluggish and dull after taking the pills," Pei said.

When her daughter was born in January 2017, Pei and her husband asked Zhang to name his baby sister, hoping that the girl's arrival and his interaction with her would help him. In fact, Zhang's condition gradually improved after his sister was born, and he is now a sophomore majoring in computer science at a university in Shandong.

The doctor told Pei that Zhang had been affected by several factors, including her decision to have a second child. Moreover, the boy had moved school, so he was separated from classmates and teachers he had known for several years.

Finally, the doctor blamed Pei and her husband's inappropriate parenting style and their aggressive attitude toward the boy.

That led the couple to rethink their approach to parenting. "To be the firstborn, especially as a boy, is not easy in Shandong, where the preference for males is still taken very seriously. As such, every step of our son's growth has attracted attention in our family," Pei said.

"We had so many expectations of him, such as being a top student and a dutiful child who would obey us, but we often neglected to encourage and understand him. In the end, he developed a mental illness."

All-around attention

Wang Weihong, whose son has a mental illness, said parents must pay attention to all aspects of children's development as they grow up and should not always impose their own wishes on them.

The 41-year-old from Hefei, capital of Anhui province, said her son, Shaofeng, was diagnosed with depression in March last year, at age 14. The doctor said the problem was the result of intense family pressure.

Wang said she used to think that people who had depression were simply being unreasonable, but when she learned about Shaofeng it was the "darkest day" of her life.

"Nobody in my family is willing to accept the diagnosis, because he looks the same as all the other children every day, so how can he have such a problem?" she said.

Shaofeng is the family's only child, so his parents and grandparents often do what they think is best for him, from sending him to top-ranked primary and junior high schools to making him attend extracurricular classes to improve his academic performance.

Despite that assistance, Shaofeng's test results are not as good as his parents expect, which exasperates them.

"Intentionally or not, my husband and I often compare him with some of his classmates. Because we are so busy at work, we try to schedule his time for him, and he needs to attend tutoring classes at weekends and holidays," she said.

"My husband and I grew up in a small county. Our families were not very rich. We only managed to settle in the provincial capital by studying hard from childhood.

"So, we want our child to learn the same way we did. Now, the competition is too fierce in every field, and we dare not take his studies for granted in case he lags behind others. We thought the things we had done would be good for Shaofeng, but they ended up hurting him."

Under the guidance of a psychiatrist, Wang and her family are slowly changing their ideas and approach to the boy's education.

Sometimes, her husband feels the urge to criticize Shaofeng, especially when his test results are poor, but he can usually suppress his temper.

"After all, our child's physical and mental health is the most important thing. We are still a little worried about Shaofeng's development, but we can't control everything that happens in the future. We hope his future will not be too bad," Wang said.